1. More tax cuts for the wealthy and large corporations with no strings attached.

2. Increase Corporate Welfare (but disguise it under another name so the "little people" don't catch on). Offshore as many profits as possible, jobs too.

3. Regulate all Uteruses via nation-wide or state by state Forced-Birth (anti-choice) Mandates. Ignore babies after birth until we can put them to use (we need more cannon-fodder for our next for-profit war. The grown children of the uneducated make ripe pickings for the military and a cheap labor force). Keep Women Pumping out Babies so they can't compete with men in the workforce  If women do manage to get jobs that men have, be sure to pay them 80% of what a man would make, preferably less. Have to keep those uppity women in their place. Bash women over the head with religion if necessary to remind them they should be submissive to men. By the way, woman, where is my dinner? 

4. Eliminate the Minimum Wage and worker protections.

5. Increase Military Spending to the benefit of Defense Contractors, whether the Pentagon wants it or not.

6. Eliminate all social assistance programs for the temporarily unemployed, women, children, disabled and the elderly. Heck, they are invisible to us anyway, who cares? "Let them eat cake"...or something.

7. Eliminate Social Security and Medicare. Instead, encourage people to invest in the stock market so Wall St. hedgefund managers and venture capitalists (aka vultures) can make a hefty profit and and tax-free bonuses, while the elderly risk losing their life savings. If they do lose it because of our irresponsibility, at that point they will be useless to us, let them die.

     7a. Do nothing to regulate Big Banks or Wall Street to prevent another Great Recession. Sure, lots of folks lost their shirts and homes, but hey, we Wall St folks are booming now AND we always have our golden parachutes! Fight the re-enactment of the much too sensible Glass-Steagall law at all costs.

8. Eliminate/Raid corporate and government pensions whenever possible. It cuts into profits and we simply must have yet another yacht/jet/island/mansion/politician/news organization, etc to buy. Destroy unions, it interferes with that slave labor thing we love so much.

9. Deregulate industry, especially in terms of worker and consumer safety and protections, and environmental concerns. Cut funding to or eliminate government oversight of industry. Change the laws so people and communities harmed cannot sue the corporations responsible. 

10. Build more prisons, preferably private for-profit. After all, the U.S. already has the highest incarcerated population in the world. Can't ruin that gleaming record now, can we? Besides, it gives us somewhere to house all those pesky poor, minority and mentally ill people when we trip over them on the sidewalk.

11. Keep undocumented immigrants undocumented. Otherwise we might have to pay them reasonable wages to pick our fruits, vegetables, mow our lawns, build our homes (especially in Texas, thats how we keep housing prices so low) nanny our children or clean our homes.

12. Cut funding to, or eliminate public education. Get actual science out of the public classroom and revise history to one more suitable to creating a slave wage labor class and informing students that slavery was a good thing. Never teach sex education (see Number 3, above). Keep higher education expensive and student loan interests rates high for the masses. We only want our rich children educated so they can carry on our "traditional values" of extortion and ruling over the "lesser than".

13. Make sure that minorities, the poor, and white middle class Democrats can't vote. If they do succeed in voting, make sure their votes don't count by gerrymandering districts. If that doesn't work, deny them healthcare so they will be to sick to go to the polls.

14. Keep pumping out Goebbels-like misinformation and promote distrust, hatred, paranoia and anger--stoke the "us vs them mentality". Use charismatic politicians, preachers, and talking heads to push this mindset. Always blame the victims of our policies.  Manufacture scandals and when they are proven false, double down and claim there is a conspiracy afoot. Confuse people into thinking we are pushing liberty when we are really promoting fascism and plutocracy. Do all this while carrying a cross and wrapped in the flag. Keep it all at a 4th grade level. In order to spread this far and wide, buy up as much of the media and politicians as possible.

(Sign this petition to keep the Koch Brothers from buying Tribune Newspapers!)